Government Regulated Crappers

Good morning my dear friends. I am pissed. You will recall my rage filled rant back in January about our new government regulated low-flow Toto toilet?  As you may recall, our old toilet suffered from the serious defect of being the wrong color, and we replaced it with a TOTO TOILET. Suppose to be one of the best.  My mistake was not realizing that my old toilet was from the 70’s, when toilets used 3.5 gallons of water to flush. The new toilet was a government regulated crapper.  Thanks to the National Energy Policy Act (H.R. 776) which passed in 1992 I think, the federal government entered our bathrooms and started regulating our crappers. What I should have done was to seek an older toilet of the proper color, if possible. Or, have someone come in and change the color of the old one. My mistake.

I rarely get up during the evening to use the bathroom. And if I do, I often don’t wake up in the process. But this lovely morning, at 4:45 AM I awoke to the pounding sound of furious plungering. I mean, someone was plungering like his freaking life depended on it! Like he was plungering Godzilla back down into the toilet.

I was shocked my friends, to discover upon fully waking that the someone was me. I had my fine collection of plungers out, all of them, and was rotating their use like the Miami Dolphins rotating quarterbacks.

My friends, there are two types of people in this country. Type A people believe the government should be our father. The government is the answer to all problems, and they should be the force that takes care of us and all of our needs. Father Government knows best. These people want tax rates of over 60% so that the government has enough resources to feed the hungry, house the poor,  and regular our crappers. For our own good. Ultimately, deep down inside these people’s hearts, they feel that they need government, that they are not good enough to make their own decisions and run their own lives.

I’m a Type B person. Type B people think the government is the problem. We think that the people have individual rights to personal freedom, and that we are capable of making decisions on our own, about our own life, and the government is just constantly getting in the way of our personal freedoms.

Type A people suffer with low flow toilets, flushing them three times instead of once, and getting a warm feeling knowing they are saving water, thanks to Father Government.

Type B people know that the warm feeling is the water from the low-flow government regulated crapper running over our bare feet at 4:45 AM in the freaking morning! We remember how our old non-government regulated toilet flushed once, using 3.5 gallons of water, and how now when we flush three times every single time we use the toilet, that 1.6 gallons times 3 = 4.8 gallons of water! Type B people can figure out that Father Government is full of shit!

So my dear readers, when I go off on a rant about government, and how we need less bureaucrats and politicians, and that anything the government comes up with, be it toll booths, taxes for future Metro-Rail use that they steal and use now, or even new CFL mercury filled light bulbs, you will understand when I go bonkers and rant and rage that the freaking government sucks weasel ass!

If you happen to be one of those low self esteem Type A people who desperately need Father Government to run your life, my apologies for this rant today.

Peace out people.

Hey – at least it IS Friday!

SCG